Secret To A Happy Marriage

Dedicating this post specially to Vincent & Pauline ;)

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He then asked her about the contents.

'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to Never Argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?' 'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

Prayer To Pray:

Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man; love to forgive him; And patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death, because I don't know how to crochet.

The Love Language Of Physical Touch

We have long known the emotional power of physical touch. 

Research has shown that babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. I suspect the same is true of adults.

Physical touch is a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse. All marriages are enhanced by tender physical touch.

If Your Spouse Doesn't Enjoy Physical Touch

One wife said, “I want to touch my husband, but when I try, he draws back. He acts like it irritates him, unless of course we are having sex.” What is this man telling his wife by his behavior? That physical touch is not his primary love language. He will respond much better to “words of affirmation” or one of the other love languages. If physical touch is your spouse's primary love language, they will welcome tender touches any time you want to give them. Some people will find it difficult to speak the language of physical touch.

 They were not touched as children, and touching is uncomfortable for them. But anyone can learn to speak this language. Remember, love is seeking to meet your spouse's needs, but your own. You don’t touch because it feels comfortable to you, but because it communicates love to them.

Dialects of Love

In marriage, the love language of physical touch has many dialects. This does not mean that all touches are created equal. Some will bring more pleasure to your spouse than others. Your best instructor is your spouse. Your wife or husband knows what they perceive as a loving touch. Don’t insist on touching them in your way and in your time. Respect their wishes. Learn to speak their dialect. Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to them. There are appropriate and inappropriate ways to touch in every society. All societies have some form of physical touching as a means of social greeting. This is also true in marriage. Physical touch can make or break a relationship.

 It can communicate hate or love. Tender physical touch can be a powerful language of love, but harsh abusive touch can actually destroy love. Clearly our bodies are made for touching, but not for physical abuse.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

 

He Can Heal The Hurt

Grudge is one of those words that defines itself. Its very sound betrays its meaning.

Say it slowly: "Grr-uuuud-ge."

It starts with a growl. "Grr ..." Like a bear with bad breath coming out of hibernation or a mangy mongrel defending his bone in an alley. "Grrr ..."

Remove a GR from the word grudge and replace it with SL and you have the junk that grudge bearers trudge through. Sludge. Black, thick, ankle-deep resentment that steals the bounce from the step. No joyful skips through the meadows. No healthy hikes up the mountain. Just day after day of walking into the storm, shoulders bent against the wind, and feet dragging through all the muck life has delivered.

Is this the way you are coping with your hurts? Are you allowing your hurts to turn into hates? If so, ask yourself: Is it working? Has your hatred done you any good? Has your resentment brought you any relief, any peace? Has it granted you any joy?

Let's say you get even. Let's say you get him back. Let's say she gets what she deserves. Let's say your fantasy of fury runs its ferocious course and you return all your pain with interest. Imagine yourself standing over the corpse of the one you have hated. Will you now be free?

The writer of the following letter thought she would be. She thought her revenge would bring release. But she learned otherwise.

I caught my husband making love to another woman. He swore it would never happen again. He begged me to forgive him, but I could not--would not. I was so bitter and so incapable of swallowing my pride that I could think of nothing but revenge. I was going to make him pay and pay dearly. I'd have my pound of flesh.

I filed for divorce, even though my children begged me not to.

Even after the divorce, my husband tried for two years to win me back. I refused to have anything to do with him. He had struck first; now I was striking back. All I wanted was to make him pay.

Finally he gave up and married a lovely young widow with a couple of small children. He began rebuilding his life--without me.

I see them occasionally, and he looks so happy. They all do. And here I am--a lonely, old, miserable woman who allowed her selfish pride and foolish stubbornness to ruin her life.

Unfaithfulness is wrong. Revenge is bad. But the worst part of all is that, without forgiveness, bitterness is all that is left.

The state of your heart dictates whether you harbor a grudge or give grace, seek self-pity or seek Christ, drink human misery or taste God's mercy.

No wonder, then, the wise man begs, "Above all else, guard your heart."

David's prayer should be ours: "Create in me a pure heart, O God."