How To Turn A Man On, At The Table!

Dear ladies, just serve your man with this. He'll get it! :P

Describe Male Organs.

> Question: Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in
> your country?
> Ms America: Well, I can say that male organs in America
> are like gentlemen.
> Question: How can you say so?
> Ms America: Because it stands every time it sees a woman.
> (Applause! Applause !)

> ==========

> Question: Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in
> your country?
> Ms Spain: Male organs in our country are like our very
> own Bullfight or Toro(Bull)
> Question: How can you say so?
> Ms Spain: Because it charges every time it sees an
> opening.
> (Applause! Applause !)

> =========================

> Question: Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male
> organ in your country?
> Ms Philippines: Well, I can say that male organs in our
> country are like gossip or rumors.
> Question: How can you say so?
> Ms Philippines: Because it passes from mouth to mouth.
> (Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause!
> Applause!)

> =================

> Question: Ms Iran, how do you describe a male organ in
> your Country?
> Ms Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are
> like thieves.
> Question: How can you say so?
> Ms I ran: Because they like to enter through the back
> door.
> (Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause!
> Applause!)

> ======================

> Question: Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in
> your country?
> Ms India: Well, I can say the male organs in India are
> like labourers.
> Question: How can you say so?
> Ms India: Because it works day and night......
> (Applause!Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!
> Applause! Applause!)

> ===============

> Question: Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ
> in your country?
> Ms Malaysia: Well, I can say that male organs in
> Malaysia are like Proton car.
> Question: How can you say so?
> Ms Malaysia: Look tough but actually very soft.
> (Applause!Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause!
> Applause!)

> ==============

> Question: Ms Singapore,how do you describe a male organ
> in your country?
> Ms Singapore: Well, I can say that male organ in
> Singapore is very Kiasu
> (Afraid to lose).
> Question: How can you say so?
> Ms Singapore: It always wants to rush in quick and
> leave 15 minutes before the show is over.
> (Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!
> Applause! Applause!)

> ==================

> Question: Ms China, how do you describe a male organ in
your country?
> Ms China: Well, I can say that Male Organs in China are
> like
> Deng Siu Ping.
> Question: How can you say so?
> Ms China: Short and hard working, but can work until
> 90.
> (Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause!
> Applause!)

Why Gals Love To Pose Like This?

Secret Love Letter

Dear Sakura,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our horoscope doesn't match. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped outside of Chicago and I saw you sit on my John F. Kennedy-statue. I'm sure you're middle-class enough to understand that I get turned on by garbage men. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep the results of your blood-sample as a memory. You should also know that I never openly mocked senility .

In pain,
JustJasmine

Now try this yourself:

Dear ________(the last person who left a comment on your blog/journal):

I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .

___12___,
-Your name-


1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scared
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - How awful I've felt
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Hate your guts
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked


11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain

Secret To A Happy Marriage

Dedicating this post specially to Vincent & Pauline ;)

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He then asked her about the contents.

'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to Never Argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?' 'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

Prayer To Pray:

Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man; love to forgive him; And patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death, because I don't know how to crochet.

Hubby Of The Year Awards

3rd Place goes to:

Greece

2nd Place goes to:

Serbia

And the winner of the husband of the year is:

Ireland!
You gotta love the Irish. Ahhh... the Irish are true romantics. Look, he's even holding her hand!!

Honourable mentions:

The Canadians

The Cubans

And The German

JPJ New Regulation

JPJ has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated below.

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This is very important, please tell all your friends and family members!

THIS MAY SAVE A LIFE!!!

Jokes #1

*AIDs** VICTIM:*
*A man is dying of Cancer.*

*His son asked him : ' Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS ? '*

*Answer : ' So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom ! '*
============================== ================
*Three Feelings :* *What's the difference between stress, tension and panic ?*
*Stress is when wife is pregnant*
*Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant*
*And Panic is when both are pregnant.*
============================== ==================
*Chinese Adam and Eve :* *If Adam and Eve were Chinese*
*We would still be in paradise because we Chinese would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake !*

Unspoken Communication: Girls VS Guys

True or untrue? Girls and guys, just voice out.